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The C Word We Don’t Want Used To Describe Us

February 22, 2022, Author: Toni

During a recent Winter outdoor meditation and brainstorming session ( I live in Arizona), I got to thinking about habits and what makes one habit good and one bad. The definition of a habit was refreshingly simple; a habit is a behavior pattern.  The difference between a bad and good habit is whether the act is beneficial or whether it brings the good in your life that you want to achieve. What a straightforward way to assess one’s habits! Dr. Eve Krackow, Ph.D. from the University of Leicester pin- pointed that the average person makes a decision every 2 seconds and on an average, we make 35, 000 choices each day. In a nutshell, we have 35,000 opportunities to benefit ourselves and bring about the greatness we want to achieve.

This blog is about being self aware of those benign actions we take that we don’t think of as “bad” but the actions about which we are complacent and may culminate in being destructive when taken together as a whole.  Complacent is the C word that we don’t want used to define us. To be complacent is to have an uncritical satisfaction with one’s performance and is marked by an unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. Let’s face it. When we’re our own bosses or when we’ve risen to the top of our careers, in the C-Suite, the opportunities for feedback on our performance are infrequent and perhaps, sugar coated. Hopefully, we receive input about our functioning before a crises arises. According to Mike Murdock, “The secret of our future is hidden in our daily routine.” How exciting it is to think that a daily choice to engage in a new behavior can snowball and compound into setting a stage for something that truly beneficial for us because we really don’t want to be complacent in the most important relationships.

In the month of February, host to Valentine’s Day and National Heart Month, let’s begin by reading the top 7 mistakes we make in relationships. Take a gander at the list, see whether any resonate and/or challenge you, and look below for how to break it down into a strategy for habit making toward increased positivity. May the reading of this list bring excitement at possibilities that can be created through micro changes over time. We, as leaders, are often charged with adding value to what we do and asked to bring what is “typical” up a notch. Where can we bring our relationships up a notch?

1.Top 7 Bad Habits In Relationships

  1. Enter and leave a room without acknowledging your partner
  2. Working to avoid a partner
  3. Not actively listening
  4. Absentmindedly disregarding your partner’s needs
  5. Letting your partner fend for themselves
  6. Fighting in times of stress
  7. Joking at your partner’s expense

I became motivated to see my situation with new eyes and to engage in a new simple behavior each day. I wondered whether my excitement to try something new was attributed to wearing new red lip sunglasses purchased at Chandler’s newest boutique, Lunch Money, and the rosy tint they provided? Whatever the reason, I found excitement when I brainstormed different behaviors that I could integrate into my daily life to reap a far more beneficial result.

Is there one that you’d like target for change?

Ways to incorporate change into your day:

  • Create a bullet list of ways to counteract the bad habit. I want to make sure that I am actively listening to my partner as it resonated with me that are times that I tune talking out so I will use not actively listening as my example. Instead of not actively listening to my partner; I will listen to my partner when: 1) they describe their work dilemma, 2) when they share what happened on the commute, and 3) when they wonder about their next move.
  • Create a bullet list of when you engage in the behavior described in the list. Next to the list, jot down what you can do instead. I will actively listen after work and in the evening, during wind down.
  • Schedule an action step into your day. For example, I will seek to understand complaints and schedule it for the end of the work day. I will also ask, What were you grateful for in your day?

Typically, we can become complacent in the relationships that matter most to us. To counter act complacency, we can be intentional about our actions and responses. I’ve experienced how a few simple, yet impactful, changes can bring greater harmony and I know you will discover the same. Let me know what you come up with! Happy habit change!

If you need support in changing: feel free to contact me for a free discovery call  The Intentional Planner support you in making the change the you want to create the life for which you yearn. I mentioned that my meditation led me to explore habits and my contemplation ventured to common mistakes we make in significant areas of our lives. In the coming months, I will post 7 common mistakes we make in the areas of finances, self-care, sleep.clearing clutter, eating, and networking, See you in April!

comments (2)

  • avatar image
    Great message!!


    February 25, 2022 Reply
    • avatar image
      Thank you! How did this message motivate you? For me, I have made an intention to listen and provide kind feedback to let my partner know that I am present when listening.


      April 29, 2022 Reply